Category: Pieces of Me Page 3 of 5

I’ve been living in isolation for the past few months and I have decided that I really like myself. I am a fun person to be with. Also; I am proud of myself; i am proud of what i have achieved, i am proud of what I’m capable of.

Why is that such a not-done thing to say? Why is that so strangely received. To the question ‘What do you like about yourself?’, my answer is ‘Everything’. And I mean that too; I like everything about myself. Not everything is convenient and I find some things downright bizarre, but yes, I like everything about myself.

There is always such a strange reaction to that. I remember once getting a response, no smile included, something like ‘Well, you think you’re quite something, don’t you’.

Well, yes I do. If I am very honest I consider myself The Shit. I think I’m tough. I think I’m funny. I think I’m smart. I consider myself The Shit, yes. But the fact that I think of myself as The Shit does not mean that I find someone else less, I am not involved with anyone else at all. I consider myself the center of the universe. I have no desire to compare myself to anyone else. That is a completely different person. I have never lived in their world. Maybe that person is also totally The Shit. If that is the case then I just really hope that person is aware of it, celebrates it.

What it has brought me is that I’m no longer afraid of making mistakes. I do my best and hope for a happy ending. Whatever happens, I am totally The Shit. Which doesn’t mean that I can do everything, there are many things that I absolutely can not do. And a lot of things you really don’t want me to do. And I think that’s completely okay. I’m okay with that.

I electrocuted myself several times, on multiple occasions, before accepting that I should stay away from anything to do with electric wiring.
I admit, sometimes it takes me some time to be ‘okay with it’.

Oh, if I ever tell you I’m going to repair my car, please stop me

It was hard for me to accept that at the core of my darkness, I am ruthless and will show no mercy. I will not back down. I will never surrender. I will end up dead before I admit defeat.

I don’t fear that part of myself. I just know it’s there if I need it. I hope I never will because I know it would destroy me, one way or another.

My darkness fuels my power but it’s also my kryptonite.

The opposite to my softness and gentleness is my ruthlessness. I will never be cruel but I will not show mercy either.

Without my sensitivity to balance it out, I would be an accident waiting to happen.

I don’t hold grudges. If you did me wrong, that‘s on you, not me. Even if it was intentional, I‘m fast on forgiveness because my own track record is far from clean.

But…

If the mistake is not acknowledged or my feelings around it are dismissed, if you treat me any less then an equal human being, I get vicious. I will get even with you, even if I have to wait years for the opportunity to occur.

Stab me in the back and I’ll punch you in the face

I will not hurt you just to hurt you. That is too easy. I will simply tell you what you did and why you did it. I will tear down every illusion you ever created about yourself in order to survive and shove it in your face.

I will show you yourself in all your naked ugliness and you will not like it. Maybe at some point in time you will understand it was a gift but I’m pretty sure you wont.

I’m pretty sure you will carry the mirror I handed you for a very long time and you will never forget my name. This is my ultimate revenge.

It‘s not something I‘m proud or ashamed of, it‘s how I operate. I believe everyone has the right to have all the information, especially regarding themselves.

When need be, I’m ruthless.

Starting point; time does not exist. Past doesn’t exist, future doesn’t exist, everything happens at the same time. Every possible version of me, as a result of every consequence of every possible action, they all exist at the same time.

I was just listening to music. It’s music from a long time ago. It reminds me of a certain period in my life, a lot was happening. As soon as the music started I was back in time. Fully. In an instant I was that person again, in that moment in time (..). It wasn’t too pleasant. I could feel all the emotions as it happened in this moment.
I had to get out and so I stood next to it.

I looked at the situation, at myself from way back. All I thought was “Girl, it’s all going to be fine. You’re going to be okay. You are strong enough. You can do this, you will all be fine.” The music continued playing.

I can remember that there were a number of songs on the CD that calmed me down at the time. I got support from it, reassurance. Dunno, felt less alone, I guess *will try to remember felt is with a ‘T’, not a ‘D’

Assuming everything happens at once, it would theoretically be possible that my other version, linearly from the past, just felt consoled by my words. My presence from the version I am now.

Interstellar, cool movie. And, scientifically substantiated. Did you know that? Cool stuff.

Time does not exist.

Time is something people have invented to make certain things explainable, to get a grip on their environment. In order to explain cause and effect you have to explain the process linearly.

There is no time in the universe. Time as we conceive it, applies only to Earth. It is based on the Earth’s orbit around the Sun, the Moon’s orbit around the Earth, and the Earth’s spin around its axis. So, only applicable to Earth.

In that sense, time can never be a universal phenomenon. Our time measurement is not applicable to any other planet, except as a comparative measure. At most you could say that time, as we interpret it, is a property of the earth. A phenomenon that only exists within our solar system. Just saying.