Category: Pieces of Me Page 1 of 5

During holiday I ‘entered’ a swimming contest. Minimum age was 12, I was 10… Took some time for them to understand I was not accepting No for an answer. I was determined to enter and was just not leaving until they let me. I was a feisty little thing. And so stubborn, even then.

Eventually they let me enter. Of course I became last but I didn’t care one bit. That was never why I wanted it so bad. I wanted it bc they said I couldn’t.

They did give me a medaille. With compliments for persisting. I had no idea what that meant but man, I was so proud…

The fastest way to clear my head or slow down my thoughts is to envision myself riding a motorbike by night. Maximum speed on a highway lit only by the colors of the city-lights. Lots of high speed curves, body almost parallel to the road. I can feel the power of the engine and the pressure of the air as I slide through it.

Maybe it’s the rhythm, maybe it’s the feeling of control. I honestly don’t know. All I know is that whatever is happening outside, in that moment, for a moment seizes to exist.

I have never ridden a bike btw

Feeling so grateful to be alive, to live. I know it seems like the whole world is going to shit, but that’s just noise, distraction. Its always been there and always will be. Chaos is in our nature. As is adaptability.

To me, life is what happens in between the chaos. I find it in moments of stillness, where only the present exists. No past, no future. Time loses meaning. I collect those moments. I look for them, on purpose. Every day, everywhere.

Sometimes its a smile from a stranger, sometimes it’s a song, or a smell. The spotting of a seal in the pond! That was a big one! Yesterday it was the return of the swans¸

This morning I woke up, made coffee, put on some music and got back into bed. All cozy and warm. Picked the stuff I wanted to post. After that just enjoyed the moment, let my mind wander. And in that moment I realized something.

Everything I set myself out to do, to accomplish, I have. Everything. I am doing it!

Trying to wrap my head around the fact that we now have a (pretty far) right government, including Holocaust deniers and Neo-nazis….
Not because people want a fascist regime but bc they were promised release from Covid measures.. by fascists.

So we’re in trouble not because people are evil per se, but because they are shortsighted, egotistical and plain stupid. I wish it would have surprised me, it doesn’t.

I’m ashamed of my country. I cant remember that ever being different. Cant remember one single time that I felt pride in saying I’m Dutch. What should I be proud of? Our part in the slave trade? Our part in plundering the world, colonizing whatever we deemed profitable? In the history-books it’s called De Gouden Eeuw, The Golden Century. For whom I wonder? There was a select few that indeed made a fortune but all at the cost of those we deemed less valuable then ourselves. That’s disgusting.

There is a group of people that take a lot of pride in Dutch history. Not surprisingly those are the same voices we hear every year defending our true Dutch tradition of Black Pete. Come to think of it, those are the same voices we hear every demonstration to get rid of the Covid measures..

Damn.