Author: Angel Page 4 of 6

Starting point; time does not exist. Past doesn’t exist, future doesn’t exist, everything happens at the same time. Every possible version of me, as a result of every consequence of every possible action, they all exist at the same time.

I was just listening to music. It’s music from a long time ago. It reminds me of a certain period in my life, a lot was happening. As soon as the music started I was back in time. Fully. In an instant I was that person again, in that moment in time (..). It wasn’t too pleasant. I could feel all the emotions as it happened in this moment.
I had to get out and so I stood next to it.

I looked at the situation, at myself from way back. All I thought was “Girl, it’s all going to be fine. You’re going to be okay. You are strong enough. You can do this, you will all be fine.” The music continued playing.

I can remember that there were a number of songs on the CD that calmed me down at the time. I got support from it, reassurance. Dunno, felt less alone, I guess *will try to remember felt is with a ‘T’, not a ‘D’

Assuming everything happens at once, it would theoretically be possible that my other version, linearly from the past, just felt consoled by my words. My presence from the version I am now.

Interstellar, cool movie. And, scientifically substantiated. Did you know that? Cool stuff.

Time does not exist.

Time is something people have invented to make certain things explainable, to get a grip on their environment. In order to explain cause and effect you have to explain the process linearly.

There is no time in the universe. Time as we conceive it, applies only to Earth. It is based on the Earth’s orbit around the Sun, the Moon’s orbit around the Earth, and the Earth’s spin around its axis. So, only applicable to Earth.

In that sense, time can never be a universal phenomenon. Our time measurement is not applicable to any other planet, except as a comparative measure. At most you could say that time, as we interpret it, is a property of the earth. A phenomenon that only exists within our solar system. Just saying.

It was in that instant that I saw the complete picture;

We are born into this world. And with that first breathe we are handed a marvelous blank canvas. A magical infinite canvas which holds all our dreams and hopes, for ourselves and each other. Endless possibilities for memories waiting to be born.

The canvas comes with watercolors. Watercolors in every imaginable shade of the rainbow, ready for you to be picked up and used when ever, where ever and however you please.

What happened to us??

I guess we were too young to remember it being taken from us. Taken and replaced. What we got handed back was still a canvas, although there was only a square inch of it left, and the edges were jagged. So you better be careful not to hurt yourself.

The watercolors, well, suffice to say you will not be using them. Instead you get handed a pencil. You know, a grey one. Grey is such a nice neutral color, also most practical in case of error. You know, eraser-wise.

Then they tell you what your designated hours are. Within that time frame you are allowed to draw. But, you are only allowed to draw straight lines. Horizontal, vertical, diagonal, that’s up to you, but them lines damn better be straight. Straight lines are encouraged by praise, curvy lines are punishable by humiliation.

‘Why can’t you just be like the others. The others obey and are loved. Don’t you want to be loved?’

So the trap shuts and we simply forget. We forget we were handed so much more. We forget who we once were as we become part of a system designed to kill our souls. A system designed for one and one reason only; to MAKE us forget we had options, that it doesn’t have to be this way. Hell, it was never supposed to be this way.

What happened to us can be reversed. At least, I believe it can be.

One way is the most tragic and painful one. Also the most effective short term full blast awakening. All it takes is a near-death experience of the soul. Yeah, that is about as fun as it sounds.

You just place yourself in the middle of a crushing mental crisis, or a devastating heartbreak, that works too. All it takes is enough emotional and psychological pressure to make your brain and your emotional body shut down on itself completely. Your ego will die off and you will wake up refreshed and good as new. Combined with all your new insights, you are ready to face the world.

That is by the way not exactly what happened to me.

I hate the term awakening. It suggests some kind of a zombie state I was in. I wasn’t. I know exactly what happened to me, how and why. I remember every decision I made, the good ones and the ‘less effective’ ones. I remember my thought patterns from then because those thoughts were mine and I thought them all. Also, my brain is trained to observe every thought I have, all the time. It is part of my survival toolbox. So I remember how I thought.

The moments I look back, I try not to do that for any other reason than reference, I feel shocked, still. That person might have been me, but it sure as hell isn’t anymore.

So far, 2020 is a transformative year. As were 2019, 2018 and all the years before to be honest, still this one is different. This one involves another person in a way I have not had the pleasure of experiencing. And a pleasure it is. Now.

It wasn’t before, it was like being dragged through hell. And back. And hell again. But now we’re good.

My story started almost 50 years ago. Or, maybe I should say, the prologue started then. You would never guess it but yeah, I’ve been around half a century. On this plane that is. As far as my existence goes, I have been and always will be, for I am eternal.

Anyhow, one chilly morning this babygirl was born into this world and took her first breathe. A breathe filled with the promise of a life, an adventure and indefinite possibilities.

Spoiler alert; the promise was kept. And the story has just started, go figure